21 March 2010

Ugh


If you can't see that tripe, it reads: With a butterfly kiss and a ladybug hug/ sleep tight little one like a bug in a rug.


A child who grows up surrounded by that kind of pablum will end up either a heroin addict or a compulsive hoarder.

Now back in my day we heard such gems as:
Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home
Your house is on fire, your children will burn.
Or how about:
Good night
sleep tight
don't let the bed bugs bite.
The veiled threats and frank admission that life sucked filled us with an anxiety that kept us on the straight and narrow. Maybe the fix for the current childhood obesity epidemic is the reintroduction of brutal children's rhymes. Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales for Everyone!


Let's start with The Mouse, the Bird and the Sausage.

19 comments:

  1. Or as may 3 1/2 year old daughter says -
    Sleep tight
    Don't let the bugs bite you!

    Sharon

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  2. And if they do, hit 'em with a shoe!

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  3. Paul, thank you for my laugh of the day!
    -Brenda-

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  4. Hah! Honestly, this is my favorite post of all time. You just keep making me laugh harder and harder. I clearly remember singing the ladybug song. And how about the three blind mice getting their tails cut off? That would make for an excellent mural.

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  5. Brenda: Comedy is my true calling.

    Melody: Did you read that Grimm's Fairy Tale? It is my new favorite. Talk about pounding home the idea of duty or else. Wow!

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  6. Paul, you are really good! -Brenda-

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  7. Scary stuff! When I was little and my grandma would make me say my prayers before bed, many nights I laid awake, too scared to go to sleep because of "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep.. and if I die before I wake... " ..

    If I DIE? What the hell? Thanks for the nightmares Gramma..

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  8. That one used to spook me too. I remember thinking the words were "I pray the Lord my salt to keep..." That just furthered the anxiety. It made me who I am today though. A man who spends a king's ransom on exotic salts so that the Lord won't steal them.

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  9. Ha! The legions of ladybugs we sent aflutter to rescue their singed offspring...the thing is, they don't really live in houses, and I doubt that they have much to do with their children after the larval stage. Dumb bugs.

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  10. Ok what about little bunny foofoo hopping thru the forest bopping field mice on the head? My kids love that one and they are teenagers! Twisted. I don't think I am capable of designing nurseries unless client is not into the super schmaltz. Ooh dbl negative. Bad girl. Don't get grammar monkeys after me!

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  11. Don't even get me started on the Cinderella debauchery, Rapunzel and her spinning wheel or the Barbie Doll distorted image I had to grow up with. Ken? I rescued him and then he came and went. Never got my fairy tail ending.

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  12. That's why Grimm's fairy tales are so delightful. Most of them end with all the main characters being maimed or dying.

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  13. Forget the mouse and the bird; the sausage reigns (that's the German in me wresting focus). I have to concur (just a little) with your tongue-in-cheek cultural analysis of the warm fuzzies in which we find ourselves awash. I mean, look at me - raised by the rod and the threat of no supper - And I turned out just FINE!!! Really, just fine.

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  14. Brandon: Oh Lord, remember the signs I made during that inaugural ladybug release?

    Cheryl: Bunny Foofoo? I don't know that one.

    Richard: As someone just Tweeted in response to this, "Boughs do break, babies do fall." Too true. Besides, I'm not even German and I'd love to have a sausage to make my suppers.

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  15. Ewwww. I haven't had the shudders like that since I was looking for a tasteful sympathy card. And what do you bet that Mommie Dearest drives an SUV in a homicidal manner?

    Another funny thing: When I looked at this post in Bloglines, there was an ad saying "Stop those panic attacks now!"

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  16. And your life is incomplete without Little Rabbit Foo-Foo!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Bunny_Foo_Foo

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  17. No doubt she drives her SUV like a maniac. Such a person is also a fan of Sarah Palin.

    Thanks for the link to Little Rabbit Foo-Foo. Is that something new or is it traditional?

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  18. Thanks! That Gimm's tale I linked to at the end is my new favorite thing!

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