01 September 2010

It's the end of the world as we know it

Hammacher Schlemmer has introduced a product that will come to be seen as a turning point in the collapse of the American Empire. I bring you exhibit A.



From the catalog:
Satisfying a mutual desire for companionship, this high chair permits your dog or cat to accompany you at the dinner table. The high chair clips securely to tables up to 2" thick and its height adjusts without tools to elevate your pet to near eye level. It has a frame of powder-coated 5/8" steel tubing and its arms are rubber-coated so they will not mar table surfaces. By providing an alternative to sitting on your lap, running disruptively underfoot, or outright banishment, the chair assuages a pet (and its owner's) frustration, and promotes more refined behavior. The chair's 600-denier tan/brown nylon fabric cleans easily. Two tethers on the chair protect your dinner guests against any lapses in etiquette. Folds for convenient storage and travel. For pets up to 10 lbs. 10" H x 12" W x 9 1/2" D. (4 lbs.)
For less than $50 you can continue to pretend that your dog is a child and stay good and distracted while the walls crumble around you.

In a world where millions go without adequate food or safe water, resources get directed to crap like this. We're doomed.

32 comments:

  1. Definitely from the "You know you have too much money when . . ." school of design.

    ReplyDelete
  2. At $50 it fits under the "You have screwed up priorities" school of design.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Huh. I was thinking it's from the "You call THAT a dog?" department. *scratches head*

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm with you Becky. That's a stuffed animal that whines and poops. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Does this come in adult human sizes? Because it promises to promote "more refined behavior" at the table. I see a restaurant concept.

    ReplyDelete
  6. No, that's how this works. As human manners deteriorate they get replaced by an obsession with canine manners. Never mind that canines can't have manners int he first place.

    Bring on the Gauls!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good lord! The pup gets a doily too?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Meanwhile, back at my house, my lab is eating Costco's Kirkland brand dog food out of her stainless dog bowl in the garage.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Arpi: Nope. No doily. The little monster gets a finger bowl instead.

    Sharon: And that's exactly as it should be.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think the most disturbing part is that the dog's being served what looks like either cake or ice cream and cookies. What???

    ReplyDelete
  11. I love that someone makes junk like this just so you can point out how stupid it is. You know that dog would rather be rifling through the litterbox eating cat turds.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This ratchets up the expression "he thinks he's people" by an order of magnitude.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think the dog is having a Frosty Paws frozen dog dessert. But isn't this a natural progression after Morris the Cat fashion? Should we take comfort that at least it's not in a crystal footed bowl?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Melody: Exactly. I love how you always put such a point on things. That picture you paint is probably spot on.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anne: Would that be a Fancy Feast crystal footed bowl?

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm sure there are accessories that can be added on to convert it to a stroller or a jolly-jumper.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Call me crazy (or sick and morbid) but I have this horrible vision of the little thing swinging from his collar that's clipped to the seat because (and I'd like to see you even try to get my cat in that thing) do its best to climb out of it. This goes in the dumb idea file!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Christine: I have no doubt this thing's part of a suite.

    Pam: It comes with two straps that immobilize the poor creature. All the better to advance the deceit that dogs like to sit in booster seats.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Uh, I think that would be abusive to put a cat in one of those things, not to mention I don't want my cat up at the table at all. It's bad enough that he thinks he can sit up there when no one is looking *now*. That's not to say that I don't pamper my cat with expensive cat food... but that's more to do with the cheap stuff being so bad for them than anything else.

    I doubt that Loki would think that sitting at the table with "the humans" would be elevating him at all anyways. He'd likely consider that slumming.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Loki? You really do have a thing for Norse mythology and culture. My next dog's name will be Persephone if I'm feeling mystical or Agrippina if I'm feeling historical.

    Cheap pet food is cheap for a reason, I don't blame you for buying higher quality food.

    ReplyDelete
  21. If my Mother could get her 42 lb beagle into that contraption without tipping the table, she'd be on it like white on rice.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I wonder if it would hold one of my chickens?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Raina: Maybe we could start a petition drive to have Hammacher Schlemmer make these sassy seats for larger breed dogs.

    Chookie: Anybody who dines with a chicken deserves the salmonella they're sure to get. Although keeping one restrained in one of these seats would keep it from attacking. Those things are like having a pet tiger.

    ReplyDelete
  24. WTF? I wonder how long they had to snap photos to have the dog pose like that. I cannot fathom having my dog at the table. I love her to bits and love to snuggle with her....on the floor where she belongs. Same feeling with having a cat parked at the table....why?

    Neither of my animals are allowed on the table and I'm certainly not got to attach them to it while I'm eating. It's bad enough that they probably get up on it when I'm not home, but, hey, at least they have the courtesy to do it when I'm not home, right?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Chookie: You got a bite? Did you lose a finger or an eye?

    Amy: Here here!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I love my dogs. They're spoiled beyond belief. But never, never, NEVER would I strap them into a high chair to eat supper with me at the table!!

    This is right up there with dressing your dog in a Gucci outfit and walking around with it stuffed into your purse. Funny in Legally Blonde, not so funny in real life!!

    Wrong on so many levels...

    Kelly

    ReplyDelete
  27. All of this common sense is making my heart grow three sizes.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oh, Melody! You kill me! Our dog would eat absolutely ANYTHING he could get his paws on and drag out to the living room (where he prefers to take his contraband). We feed him a rather expensive dog food, from his bowl, in the kitchen. Then he goes out in the back yard and eats rabbit turds for dessert. I call it "yard caviar."

    ReplyDelete
  29. Yard caviar! That's hilarious! I feed my mutts good dog food, but our beagle mix, Little Buddy, prefers to scour spiders from the basement and dead baby birds and stranded earthworms off the sidewalk.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Isn't that they'll eat nearly anything part of the joy of dog ownership?

    ReplyDelete

Talk to me!

Related Posts with Thumbnails