What NOT to do

If you see this in a reduced bin at Pier 1, leave it there.

No really. If you see this in a reduced bin, it's been reduced for a very good reason. LEAVE IT THERE.

A Reader's Lament: Melody hates her kitchen

At the suggestion of my blog mentor, I'm trying to build a community around this blog. My new Reader Question series is a part of that as is a new entry I'm calling A Reader's Lament. Is there something about your current space that you're powerless to change? Write it up and send it to me. With your permission, I'll run it here and you may get some catharsis from it. It won't change anything of course, but sometimes it feels good just to yell and get it out of your system.

The following was sent to me by my friend Melody McFarland from San Diego. Melody is a woman of as varied interests as me and her blog, I Like Pigeons Because Nobody Else Does, is a sounding board for all of them. Melody's a biologist with a knack for mounting specimens that rivals her ability to crank out couture-level clothing. Her blog makes me think and it makes me laugh and for my money, that's winning combination.

Melody and I grew up in adjoining small towns in rural Pennsylvania and struck out to see the world on out own terms. However, Melody and her husband are gearing up to move back to Pennsylvania after a 20 year absence. That fact alone will have me glued to her blog as she makes that transition.

So without further ado, here's Melody's lament:

I absolutely loathe the kitchen in the house we rent. Honestly, I don't think I've ever hated a kitchen more and I just need to vent because you are one of the few people who truly understands what it is to feel such rancor for a work-space. It's ugly. It's boring. It's poorly done. It has substandard, cheap worthless appliances. It's fucking loathsome. 

Take a look at the pictures. Who had their head far enough up their ass that would not permit them to see the stupidity in the installation of tile on a kitchen counter? Did they not take into consideration the filth that would accumulate in the grout? I make a lot of kneaded things - bread, pizza dough, pasta - and of course it's impossible to knead on that stupid counter. So I have to use a pastry board that slides across the counter unless I fold up a beach towel and put it underneath. Each time I do this I feel a small amount of rage. Simply wiping the counter off requires scrubbing and a brush. If I don't use a brush, all I'm doing is crushing filth and dirt down into the grout. 

Look at those appliances! A Whirlpool range? Talk about a piece of shit. Whatever happened to people taking pride in producing a quality product? I'd be embarrassed to sell the thing. The dishwasher is a Kitchen Aid and I don't even bother to use it anymore. Nothing on the top rack gets clean. You want to see someone pissed off? Come by when I run the dishwasher and unload it.

 

Look at the "style". Have you ever seen a more insipid, uninspiring half-assed piece of crap? Those cabinets are an atrocity! 

I hated this kitchen from the get-go, but now that our new house with my very own kitchen is just three short months away, my irritation has increased by an order of magnitude. I just hope I can get out of here without dousing it with kerosene and torching it. The thing is, our landlord acts like we're living in the Biltmore. 

This whole tirade was just incited by the fact that I made bread this morning and had to do the whole too-small-pastry-board-and-towel routine.

Thank you Melody and I hope my running this here makes your cross a little easier to bear. And again, check out I like Pigeons Because Nobody Else Does.

A day off

I haven't missed a day since November and that has to be some kind of a record. For me anyway. So to celebrate I'm taking the day off. I'll be back tomorrow, I'm not going anywhere. Not yet at any rate.

Design online

OK gang, here's the deal. I've been thinking about this for a while and have done a couple of casual dry runs so here it is: I'm officially announcing my online services. 

I'll get a separate website up and running for this venture eventually, but for now I'm going to work it out of here. There will be an ad for Online Services over in the right column that will jump back to this posting, so should the need arise you'll always know how this works.

My services will include:

• 3-D color renderings from a variety of perspectives
  
• A materials list and presentation board (electronic)
  
• A shopping list
  
• Step-by-step instructions
• Phone and e-mail support
  
• My tireless enthusiasm
  

What I'll need from you are photos and dimensions of every wall in the room you want me to work on. We'll also need to discuss the direction you'd like to go and the budget you have in mind. So if you're ready, pop me an e-mail and we'll get started.

Now about that fee... I put together a fee schedule. I reserve the right to alter this as needed and in exchange, I authorize you to make me an offer. I will invoice you for the fee via PayPal once we reach an agreement to proceed. Here goes:

• Foyer $325
  
• Bathroom  $325
  
• Living Room $450
  
• Bedroom  $450
  
• Kitchen $500
  
• Dining Room  $400
  
• Home Office   $450
  

I believe in this, and frankly I think I'm on to something. Get in while the getting's good is all I have to say. 

And in the meantime, I remain more than happy to answer questions and weigh in with my opinion. Correspondence with my readers is one of my favorite perks to having a blog. Now and forever, it is never an imposition.

What's your creative type?

I found this quiz when I was reading the blog This Young House last night. It's interesting if only because it pegged me pretty squarely as a Realist. 

You love getting creative but you don't like the chaos that sometimes comes with arty pursuits. You're a deep thinker --with a strong conceptual grounding to whatever it is that you do --and so you feel most comfortable if you can express yourself within an ordered structure. You are probably quite a realist at heart and your creativity seems to be rooted in this pragmatic view of the world.

You like to get fully involved in projects, from the initial thinking to the finished product. You're there for the whole story.

I'm curious to know if this thing pegs anybody else as well as it did me. It takes about two minutes to run through this quiz and what better day than a Monday to waste some time on mindless quizzes, right? Anyhow, if you take the quiz leave a comment here with your result and how closely you think this quiz came to summarizing your creative style.

So take the quiz here. It starts with the question, "Red is..." and has you pick a photo that embodies red to you. The rest of the exercise flows form there.