08 April 2010

Michelangelo speaks

Portrait of Michelangelo (after 1535) by Jacopino del Conte

My post this morning about the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel reminded me that I have a collected works of Michelangelo in my book case. I dug it out and found this:

   A goiter it seems I got from this backward craning
like the cats get there in Lombardy, or wherever
—bad water, they say, from lapping their fetid river.
My belly, tugged under my chin, 's all out of whack.
     Beard points like a finger at heaven. Near the back
of my neck, skull scrapes where a hunchback's lump would be.
I'm pigeon-breasted, a harpy! Face dribbled—see?—
like a Byzantine floor, mosaic. From all this straining
     my guts and my hambones tangle, pretty near.
Thank God I can swivel my butt about for ballast.
Feet are out of sight; they just scuffle around, erratic.
     Up front my hide's tight elastic; in the rear
it's slack and droopy, except where crimps have callused.
I'm bent like a bow, half-round, type Asiatic.
     Not odd that what's on my mind,
when expressed, comes out weird, jumbled. Don't berate;
no gun with its barrel screwy can shoot straight.
     Giovanni, come agitate
for my pride, my poor dead art! I don't belong!
Who's a painter? Me? No way! They've got me wrong.

The Complete Poems of Michelangelo
©1998, 198 pages, Translated by John Frederick Nims

He wrote that while he was painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Clearly, spending four years on a scaffold looking up took a toll on his body.

It's difficult to see his humanity when you look at his work. He achieved a state of artistic perfection that's otherworldly to say the least. Reading that abbreviated sonnet puts a human face on him.

Up close and personal with a Renaissance master work

The Vatican Museum just launched a high-resolution, panoramic photograph of the interior of the Sistine Chapel. Photograph fails to describe this site utterly, but I don't think the language has caught up with this technology yet. Follow this link and go on a tour. Photographs of the Sistine Chapel never cease to amaze me but this is something on a whole other level. This photograph lets a view pan and zoom and in doing so, you can see parts of the chapel that you can't see even when you're standing in it.

When most people think of the Sistine Chapel ceiling, they think of this image.


That's actually a detail from the center, the whole 12,000 square feet of that ceiling look like this.


My hero, Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni, painted it over four years from 1508 to 1512. Michelangelo didn't consider himself to be a painter and accepted the commission from Pope Julius II under duress. I'd love to know how those conversations went but alas, they are lost to history. Julius was a megalomaniac and Michelangelo was a neurotic, I'm sure hilarity ensued.

This online, interactive photo lets you get up close and personal with this amazing work and while it's hardly a substitute for being there in person, it does let you see aspects of Michelangelo's work you'd never see otherwise. If you go back to that first image of God and Adam, you can see that Michelangelo depicted God in the shape of a human brain. Seriously, zoom in on it. Keep in mind too, that there isn't a flat surface to be had on this ceiling, it's a flattened barrel arch that's cut transversely by eight smaller vaults along its length and four compound arches at either end.

All art captures the history of the time it was created and the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is the ultimate time capsule from the 1500s. It's not possible to exaggerate the advances being made in science, philosophy, religion, politics and art from that period. All of those new ideas are writ large on that ceiling. As such, this ceiling is nothing less than a complete story of the underpinnings over western civilization.


The Roman High Renaissance was a heady time but it came to a sudden end when Rome was sacked in 1527 by mercenaries from the Holy Roman Empire. In the aftermath of that invasion and pillaging, a new and more serious air permeated what had been a laboratory for free thinking.

Michelangelo accepted a second commission in the chapel in 1535, when he painted his Last Judgment on the wall behind the altar.


It's a massive work and because Michelangelo painted it, it's filled with surprises that are plainly visible with this interactive photograph.

Here's St. Bartholomew and he's holding his own flayed skin.


It's St. Batholomew's skin, but that's Michelangelo's face.

Michelangelo's comfort with showing human nudity caused a lot of controversy in its day and that controversy reached it's peak as he was painting his Last Judgment. George Vasari's 1987 book The Lives of the Artists quotes Michelangelo's chief accuser, Biagio da Cesena: "it was mostly disgraceful that in so sacred a place there should have been depicted all those nude figures, exposing themselves so shamefully, and that it was no work for a papal chapel but rather for the public baths and taverns."

Michelangelo got even with him by depicting him as Minos, a judge of the underworld. To make his point further, Minos has the ears of an ass.


Even more amusing is that when da Cesena complained to the Pope about the depiction, the Pope told da Cesena: "That is too bad. If you were in purgatory, I could help you. But my jurisdiction does not extend to hell, so the portrait will have to remain."

It's cool when a 500-year-old joke can still get a laugh.

The forces da Cesena represented had the final say though because shortly after Michelangelo died in 1564, the nudes in the Last Judgment were covered by loin cloths and fig leaves.

Thanks go to the terrific Nancie Mills-Pipgras, my editor at Mosaic Art Now, who pointed me to EternallyCool.net, where I saw this Sistine Chapel link last week.

07 April 2010

Designer Bootcamp: Google SketchUp for kitchen and bath design


On May 26th, the great gang from Igloo Studios is taking their show on the road and they're coming to Orlando to teach a kitchen and bath design-specific course in Google SketchUp. On their way to Orlando, they're stopping in St. Pete to pick up me so I can help to teach this seminar.

We've been working on this for quite a while and the curriculum for the Designer Bootcamp is both Google- and NKBA-endorsed. We're offering 18 hours of instruction and the time you spend at the bootcamp qualifies for CEUs and educational hours. If that weren't enough, Google's offering a $100 off coupon for all registrants and your paid tuition includes a 1-month subscription to the Go-To-School SketchUp training website.

We have designers flying in from all over the country and as an industry function, our class days will be broken up with showroom tours, appliance demonstrations and a cooking theater presentation. We'll even feed you breakfast and lunch every day.

This is hands-on instruction with a heavy emphasis on practical uses for SketchUp and by the time the 28th runs around, you'll be a capable and confident user of a design tool that's revolutionized the way I do my job. To make matters even better, you'll be taught by Mike Tadros, the man who taught me most of what I know about this amazing software. Did I mention that I'm teaching this class too?

We'll be promoting this Bootcamp pretty heavily at KBIS next week and you can register through Igoo Sudios' website. Don't be left out!

06 April 2010

Room and Board presents outdoor upholstered furniture.


This is Room and Board's new Brisbane collection. The Brisbane is upholstered furniture that's intended to be used outdoors.


Everything about the Brisbane's been designed with weather in mind. The frame is made from marine-grade laminated birch, the cushions are wrapped in a hydrophobic barrier and the fabrics are water resistant. The tailored slipcovers are made from either Sunbrella® or Outdura® fabric.


The slipcovers can be machine washed or just hosed off. Amazing. The stuff looks good too. I'll never look at a humble lawn chair the same way.


Weather-resistant though they are,  the furniture in the Brisbane collection should be covered or brought inside during winter or long periods of rain.


In a recent Ideas & Advice column on their website, they discussed this admittedly unscientific though still fascinating test of the Brisbane. Watch and wonder:





Check out the Brisbane and the rest of the cool stuff on Room and Board.

Lend Kelly a hand


My great friend Kelly Morrisseau is researching a new book and a new website she's launching this summer and Kelly needs your help.
Yes, this is for my book, but also for my new website coming this summer. (Didn’t know I was going to have a new website? Now you do. *grin*)

For those of you contemplating a kitchen and bath, I’ve got a couple of questions:
  • If you’re just starting out, what do you want to know? What's overwhelming?
  • For those already into the process, what do you wish you’d known at the beginning?
  • For those of you who've finished, what do you wish you could tell your beginning self?
I’ve got a core go-to group that I’ve asked, and  now I want to ask you.  Some of their responses have been:
  • Where do I start?
  • Where can I get the most bang for my buck (and how do I compromise without damage?)
  • How do I get past looks and hype to the reality?
  • How do I get the Taj Mahal on a suburban budget?
Okay, I condensed the last one from about 15 identical responses and gave it my own twist. I think that title’s going in my book, right along with a chapter called “Faucet Wedgies, and Other Plumbing Mistakes.”

Yeeeesss, I could have said something about how the restaurant-style sinks and faucets don’t always fit in a regular counter depth, but why? (If you think this is going to be a serious book, you might want to move along. I think we should have some amusement with our information, no?)

I’m finding my experience a hindrance: what I think everybody knows, they don’t. I’m too far along to see what you need.

I'm going to leave this at the top of my blog for the next few weeks. Help, please.
So please consider heading over to Kelly's blog, Kitchen Sync, and letting her know what you think. Thanks.