Thank you Florida Legislature, now it's your turn Charlie

photo by Chris Zuppa, the St. Petersburg Times

In a surprise move from an organization better known for its pandering and grandstanding, the Florida Legislature passed Senate Bill 2080 and it now sits on our mannequin of a Governor's desk, awaiting his signature.

Senate Bill 2080 empowers any homeowner in Florida to install what's called a Florida Friendly yard, despite what their homeowners association has to say. If you're a Floridian, call the Governor's office and insist that he sign this rare breath of common sense.

Now for some background, since most of you reading this aren't Floridians. Florida is home to a vicious form of governance called a Homeowners Association. States all over the country have HOAs enshrined in law, but Florida's HOAs are particularly empowered. What this means is that if you buy into a neighborhood with an HOA, that HOA writes and enforces the covenants and restrictions placed on a homeowner. Restrictions like banning yard signs or wash lines, forbidding certain paint colors, limiting the number of guests a homeowner can entertain, etc. All of this is Gladys Kravitzism is passed and decided upon in the name of preserving property values. This stuff would be an irritant and little more except for the other side to these deed restrictions and covenants. Florida law grants these HOAs enforcement power and most of them don't hesitate to use it.

Last October, a 66-year-old man was jailed without bail over his brown lawn. He'd run afoul of his HOA and they had him arrested and jailed because his lawn had died. Here's the story from the St. Pete Times.

Anyhow, most if not all of the HOAs in Florida require that all lawns be sodded with lush, green St. Augustine grass. St. Augustine is the only real lawn grass suited for our climate. Sort of. It can handle our sun and heat without any trouble. However, what it can't handle is that it doesn't rain here in the winter. From October to May, it's as dry as a bone and St. Augustine grass will turn brown and die within a matter of weeks. Enter the sprinkler system. St. Augustine needs to be irrigated at least once a week in order for it to eek by. In order for it to look its best, it needs to be irrigated a lot more than that and it needs that irrigation year-round, even during our rainy season.

Public enemy #1

Senate Bill 2080 will allow anyone to tear out his St. Augustine lawn and replace it with a landscape that doesn't need to be irrigated. How revolutionary. Predictably, HOAs are having shivering fits while the water authorities can barely contain their glee.

So omnipresent has St. Augustine grass become that 62% of the potable water used in the great state of Florida gets sprinkled on lawns. I was barking like a mad man about it last March. Sixty-two per cent. That is an unconscionable amount of water wasted in the name of preserving property values.

It gets worse. Florida is in an extreme water crisis. We're three years into a serious drought and municipal water supplies are dwindling all across the state. Until someone finds a solution, we're headed for a world of hurt. This crisis could have been avoided to begin with and could be mitigated now if we do something about that 62% number.

Water is a limited, public resource. How other people use it is a concern all members of a community hold in common. The water people waste on their lawns really is going to start affecting everyone and it will happen a lot sooner than people think it will. Charlie, please sign Senate Bill 2080.

It's a sink revolution

Many thanks to my pal Laurie Burke from Kitchen Design Notes for this one.

Ordinary sinks have a seam where the plumber's ring meets the bottom of the sink. Since virtually all sinks look like this, no one really notices the seams.

That was until now. Check out these seamless, stainless steel sinks from Affluence. Somebody looked down into his or her sink and said "There has to be a better way." And sure enough, there is. Wow. What a difference!

Oh look! A cute bunny!

Someone told me that I sounded like an angry man yesterday. I suppose that if I start running random photos of bunnies or puppies I'll be able to counteract that.

Oh look! Another bunny!

No wait a minute, it's the same one. Oh well. 

Here's how I prefer my bunnies anyhow.

Main Dish: How To Make Rabbit Fricassee

I think some one's confusing my rapier wit with a raging fit and nothing could be further from the truth. People who aren't motivated by sentimentality aren't any more angry than they are purple. Similarly, people who are run by sentiment aren't automatically happy (or stupid). Some people see a rabbit and think "Awwwww, what a cute bunny." Then again, some people see a rabbit and think, "Yum! Dinner!" And you know what? Neither of those reactions means a thing.

Dziękujemy i zapraszamy do mojego bloga!

According to Google Translator, that says thank you and welcome to my blog in Polish. My story about the awful back splash got picked up by a Polish design site this morning and I've been inundated with visitors from Poland all day. I am flattered and honored. The site is called Babeczkaa and it is an interesting thing indeed to see that piece discussed in Polish. Check it out!

Reader Question: How do I get on TV?

Help! How does one get chosen to be on a kitchen remodel show?

I have no idea, but I would like to acknowledge your use of "one" as a substitute pronoun in that sentence. Bravo!

Now, why on earth would anyone want to be the victim of one of those TV shows? The makeover programs you're aspiring to are where we get garbage like this:

Really, is that the sort of thing you want for yourself? Granted, that's a bathroom and you want to be in a kitchen show, but the point remains the same.

Makeover TV shows exist for one reason, to make compelling TV. It may be hard to believe, but they don't exist to make their participants' dreams come true. Everything about them serves the camera, first and foremost. If it makes for compelling television to take your wants and needs into consideration, then they will. If your wants and needs don't jive with the producer's, guess who's going to win. The same thing goes for the finishes. If they decide that hot-gluing corrugated cardboard and hay onto your back splash would look great on camera, you're getting a back splash made from hay hot-glued to corrugated cardboard. If the show's sponsors are providing orange counters that week, what color do you think your counters are going be? The TV camera rules. Period.

The TV cameras and the producers and the sponsors are going to decide for you what your kitchen should be. Then they are going to require that you like what they do. At least while the cameras are rolling. After a week of strangers tracking mud through your living room stinking up your bathroom you'll be ready to flip out. And rest assured, they'll capture that special moment for the world to see when it happens. Screaming mad homeowners make compelling TV, not quiet and content ones.

And if all that weren't enough, you might be asked to pay for your project after all. Or you might be required to do some of the work. Or maybe they'll leave it half done and you'll have to finish what they started. Please remember that if it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Beware anybody who offers you a free lunch, because there's no such thing. Now please stop watching HGTV. All it does is fill your head with crazy ideas.

Save your money and renovate your own kitchen according to your own tastes and on your own timeline. It will mean more to you and it will be yours.